It’s hard to say this, but I’m not sure how much longer my digestive tract can take Tim Wakefield.

Tim Wakefield may be old as father time, but his knuckleball sure does flutter, don’t it?

It really is almost painful for me to admit it, too. The guy has been the absolute, consummate Red Sox’ team player. He’s done everything; long relief, closing, spot starting, spot relieving … in the playoffs. And through it all, he’s been an innings-eater, making life much easier for all the pitchers around him.

At his best, Wakefield dazzles everyone, including his personal catcher/jock scratcher Doug Mirabelli. But at his worst, he’s like throwing a 34 year-old office assistant whose had 14 too many hot dogs in the last week out there during a seventh inning stretch of his corporate softball game. It just gets ugly. Fast.

That’s why this afternoon’s game is so eerie for Sox fans. Just two years ago, in Chicago, against these White Sox, Wakefield put out one of his classic performances, for all the wrong reasons. It ended up being heroic, Wakefield trudging along on the mound with nothing going for him, taking one for the team even though that meant giving up a horrific 14 or 15 runs. It was devastating to watch, but mesmerizing at the same time.

Then, a matter of games later, he tossed a gem. It’s always that way, isn’t it?

Even in batting practice Mirabelli loafs around as much as he swings.

In fact, that’s just part of the problem. The other part, quite frankly, is Mirabelli himself. The man hits a rawhide much less than he does a buffet, but because no one else is even willing to try to catch the damn knuckleball, Mirabelli is like a leech you can’t lose. Without Dougie “Who needs to go deep when you’re a backup” Mirabelli, you got no successful Wakefield.

So what’s a fan to do? That’s easy. Sox fans root for Wakefield. They hope he wins, and, just as importantly, eats a ton of innings. And then they go to the bathroom, take out the family size bottle of TUMS, put them in a blender with sorbet and skim milk and make a nice antacid smoothie. That’s the best you can hope for.

Now, where’s my blender…

– Cameron Smith