The Morning After: Screw wingmen

That was a debacle.

The Sox take an early lead. They build on it, but fail to bust the game open. They leave the Mariners slinking around, then sure enough, an infield error leads to three runs and a tie game.

How bad was last night? If the Sox had been hitting on members of the women’s soccer team, they would have been angling for Heather Mitts or Lindsay Tarpley, and ended up with Shannon Boxx (above).

BAM! Back come the Sox, taking a lead … but again only scoring one run. Then who kills Boston? That’s right, one half of Seattle’s Japanese duo. Who saw that bomb coming from Kenji Johjima? Seriously, who? I mean, Ichiro and Johjima are to Dice-K and Okajima what the Duff sisters (Haley and Hillary) are to the Olsen twins (Mary Kate and Ashley), right? Less celeb, less in common and quirkier? Not to mention significantly less hot?

Screw it. None of that matters anyway. Last night the Sox got railroaded on a wingman assignment. And it was a bad one, a night where they successfully located their A-1 target, brought their buddy Pawtucket along for the ride to be their wingman, then had the lady of the night taking a liking to ol’ Pawt and leave the Sox with their orca-fat friend.

Ugggh. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth just thinking about it.

You know what the Sox were feeling. And you know you want to sing along. Go ahead.

So what can the Sox take away from a ruined homecoming for Jon Boy Lester? Well, they can love the expanding resuscitation of Big Papi, who seems to be settling in with a slightly altered swing. And they can postulate that a Dice-K start - so long as it brings more offense with it than it did in Tampa last Sunday - might even show those bitchy Duff sisters who the real celebritants are.

If things don’t get better soon, the Sox may even believe the Duff sisters are the real deal by the time they head south to Anaheim.

– Cameron Smith