The Morning After: The highs and Lo-hans

Thank God that West coast trip is over. You know that’s what the entire Red Sox roster was thinking on the flight back home last night.

There’s nothing low about Lohan on the beach.

While the sox are taking the afternoon off today, fans had a chance to ponder three sloppy games, two of which ended up in the loss column. Then there was last night’s debacle, terribly pitched through five innings, then saved by terrific late bullpen work and smoking bat work from Dustin Pedroia and Mike Dr. Double Lowell.

But let’s not get away from ourselves here, right? The Sox pulled out a win, but they hardly did so smoothly. Perhaps most significantly, Jon Boy Lester solidified his spot as the most consistently inconsistent - not to mention inefficient - starting pitcher in the bigs.

The line from the Boy Beats Cancer Wonder? 3 1/3 innings and a whopping 93 pitches. That’s right, 93 pitches. Ouch.

Still, Lester is an unbelievably tantalizing factor. When he’s on, the youngster can seem almost unhittable. When he’s not, well, he’s a disaster.

In fact, he’s just like Lindsay Lohan that way. Keep her away from drugs and keys, and she’s a slam dunk. Or in Lester’s case, just keep him away from meatball off-speed pitches over the heart of the plate. Like Lohan’s substance issues, Lester’s substance of pitches issues are becoming a trend, too. Both are equally problematic.

Remember, Lohan doesn’t mix well with alcohol. Or cocaine.

In the end of the night will you take the Lester start? Sure. You feel better getting as much of him as you can while he holds the opponent to 3 or 4 runs. After all, if he keeps going at current pace, Lester will finish with a 1-0 record in 12 starts. He just has to hope that Manny, Dustin and Dr. Double keep hitting for him.

And if they don’t? Uggh. May be a lot more like Lindsay’s recent struggles out there in L.A. Maybe the Sox saw them first hand out there over the past three days. They definitely saw what they would look like in their baseball manifestation.

– Cameron Smith